A Quarter Century In: A Reflection

Y'know, I'm not sure I remember the point at which I knew I had grown up. It was in high school though, I think. The point comes when you realize that you are in complete control of your life, whether you realize it or not. Every day you have choices. Simple, little, ridiculously powerful and life-altering things.

I have two options in my life: Act or don't act. Everything that ever comes down the pipe falls in to one of those two categories. Either I do something, or I don't. I seize the opportunity, or I let it pass. I make a mistake or I'm smart enough to avoid it. Neither action nor inaction is bad yet, I've come to one inescapable conclusion: I rarely regret mistakes that I make through action and often regret even good things that come via inaction.

Like today. My birthday! A friend offers to take me out since it's my special day and initially, I made an excuse. A valid, entirely rational one. One of the folks I'd be going out with was sick and I made the initial excuse that I didn't think that was a good idea. This was the sort of little, simple and powerful decisions I made that I'm sure I would have regretted. Instead, though, I changed my mind and chose to act. And so I got a free meal, got to mock direct a bunch of waiters and cooks while they sung happy birthday and wear a big, obnoxious sombrero.

Another thing that I'm probably going to regret if I choose not to act is going to see my parents over this weekend. They've offered to pay for everything, food, gas, etc. I'll get home cooked meals and time to relax. I'll spend some time driving, which usually lets me relax. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't a big deal and really doesn't have a huge bearing on my life but would probably be better than hanging around the apartment all weekend. No cost, everything to gain yet I'm almost willing to give it up just so I can not act.

Why is choosing not to act so appealing? Clearly there is something that is pushing me this way. I guess there are times where I've tried to act and it fails. The best way to save myself disappointment is to not act. But which is worse, disappointment or regret? I'm not sure I can give a one hundred percent honest answer to that one.

It's getting late and there's plenty more to write but hey. This is the second day this week I've started writing. Maybe this is a sign of improvements yet to come.